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:iconezleeamuzed:

~EZleeAmuZed

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About Me Member Deviously Deviant EZleeAmuZed19/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 228 Deviations
1,409 Comments
8,343 Pageviews

I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself.

Sun Aug 23, 2009, 10:23 PM
The fact of my loneliness hit me tonight like a truck. I started getting stressed about school and the fucking thing wouldn't let me submit my work... and I just feel so overwhelmed by school and work. Tonight was like the first time I spent alone. I didn't go out. I go out every night.. I don't think I can bare to be with myself anymore.
I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore.
I feel so depressed and stressed out and worried over everything and I have no one to call. and it's such a strange feeling. And the only person in the world who could possibly even be there for me is erich, and I can't call him.

I'm so stressed over my health.. my gums have been bleeding on and off for a good two weeks now. I don't know whats wrong I don't know if i have cancer or gum disease or something horrible.. I don't want to die and as stupid as that sounds.. every time theres something wrong with my body I imagine worst case scenario. I can't just keep believing that I am invincible. I keep tasting blood in my mouth.. I just have not had time to go to the doctor... I've been working like crazy... and school.. and I haven't started my math hw and its due tuesday.. and I'm going to fail it again if i don't stop being fucking retarded...


I feel so undesireable. Even though since I broke up with him I became sooo much more confident. but now I .. I'm back to feeling small and weak.. scared. ....... terrified.

I don't want to lose ____ as my friend. I just don't. its fucking me up inside. I don't want him and I don't want a relationship. It's just killing me. I know he's probably freaked out because he expects me to be clingy. God it's tom all over again. cept not quite. I didn't quite sleep with anyone. goddamn it. fuck fuck fuck
The more I meet and interact with guys.. the more I realize how much about them I don't understand. I don't get it. at all.

I'm so tired.. I haven't had time to get my car taken care of. I haven't had time to make a fucking doctors appointment.. I haven't had time to get my car inspected.. its driving me crazy.. I just can't balance anything without neglecting something else.. I haven't gotten sleep.. in so long. I should sleep now.

goddamn it. fuuck. fuck.

I don't know.

2 Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: Israel Darling
  • Reading: Siddartha

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: North Carolina
  • Interests: music, art, religion, furry creatures, nature, pyschology
  • Favourite movie: Donnie Darko, Fight Club, Amelie, The Fall, The Never Ending Story, What Dreams May Come
  • Favourite band or musician: RedHotChiliPeppers, SystemOfADown, APerfectCircle, QueensOfTheStoneAge, ArcadeFire, Weezer, NoDoubt
  • Favourite artist: Salvador Dali, M.C. Escher, Alex Pardee
  • Favourite poet or writer: Roald Dahl
  • Favourite style of art: Surreal, Retro
  • Favourite game: Zelda Ocarina of Time, Sonic, Alice, Silent Hill
  • Favourite gaming platform: Sega Genesis
  • Favourite cartoon character: Meatwad
  • Tools of the Trade: pencil_colored pencils_Sony Digital Camera

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Comments


:iconstar0nfire:
~star0nfire Jul 20, 2009, 4:39:31 AM
Thank you very much =)

--
I like you, I like me.
I like trouble and LSD.
:iconxciox:
~xciox Apr 16, 2009, 4:23:50 PM
:beer:

--
...all i want is what i will never have...
:iconxcoinoperateddollx:
~xCoinOperatedDollx Mar 18, 2009, 3:24:18 AM
thanks for the fave : ) xXx
Flagged as Spam
:iconcarly-jean:
~carly-jean Dec 8, 2008, 9:26:03 PM
thanks so much for the fave/comment!! =]
:iconscottfacon:
Mood: Love *scottfacon Oct 27, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
thanks so much for favoring "The Same Old Story"

--
Surreal and Psychedelic
:iconezleeamuzed:
~EZleeAmuZed Oct 28, 2008, 7:36:58 PM
You're very welcome. I love your entire gallery.

--
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities."
~ Dr. Seuss
:icontalulah618:
~talulah618 Jul 5, 2008, 4:31:43 PM
zelda ocarina of time is one of my favorite games too! We have a lot of the same favorites, haha.

--
The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone,So smart she's leading me to ozone
Music the great communicator, Use two sticks to make it in the nature
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